How I Fucked Up (This Time) And What You Can Do To Avoid Being This Stupid


Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I really, really, really fucked up. Like big time fucked up. Like how could anybody be this fucking stupid fucked up.

I'm so angry at myself. I didn't see the email requesting corrections to my story that was accepted for a charity anthology. Consequently, it wasn't included. Well, abra-ca-fucking-duh.

I just feel like such a stupid piece of worthless shit right now. I know that from the outside looking in this probably seems like a "get over yourself" kind of thing and a "you brought this on yourself so suck it up" kind of thing, but I'm so sick and tired of my anxiety and ADHD fucking up my life this way.

Here's what I did that I probably should have done a long time ago.

I created a Proton Mail account because part of the problem is my personal account is so damn cluttered. Not to make excuses for myself, because I should have been checking. Damn it all and fuck me sideways. 

I told the people at Grinning Skull Press that they could use the story in a future anthology if they want. I suppose I'll self-publish it. 

In the meantime, I wish there was something I could throw myself off of. Story of my life, fucking perpetual fuck-up. It's my own fault, there's really no excuse.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm going to be kicking myself all day. I'd sacrifice myself to something, but nothing would want to eat anything this stupid for fear that it was catching.

I was just so proud to be selected for that anthology and then I went and fucked it all up because that is what I do. 

I'm starting to understand my anxiety and ADHD a little better, but even that makes me mad because it took me more than half a century to get to this point. Always a damn day late and a dollar short, me.

No, I am not about to take medication to try and short-circuit the ADHD. Psych meds (and it is a psych med because it affects brain activity) and me don't get along. What would have been nice is to have someone along the way help me understand my ADHD and develop strategies for living with it rather than filling me with self-loathing and anxiety. 

Somehow, all of the times people called me a flake and a fuckup didn't do anything to help me become less flakey or fucked-up. How 'bout that? What a surprise!

I really fucking hate myself right now. 

I've spent my entire life wondering why I have to be this and hating everyone who told me to just stop being this. Nobody would be this by choice.

Sometimes when people appear to be flakey or uncaring or uncourteous, they are actually struggling. Like me, they may be wrestling with ADHD or anxiety, or both. I'm sure it's frustrating to deal with, but slinging insults isn't the answer and is probably doing more harm than good.

Have a good day. I'm sure I won't.

The one thing I can accomplish consistently

Mid-Month Update 12/12/21


The following is a copy of my most recent, sporadically updated Naughty Netherworld Newsletter. 

Hello to my four subscribers. Long time no update, and that will probably continue to be the pattern. I'm currently most active on Readers Roost ( but you can also check in with me on Naughty Netherworld Press (

I may not be sharing quite as much of my own work at Naughty Netherworld Press in the coming months because currently creating pieces for submission to anthologies has taken precedence over my personal projects. Any submissions that get rejected will eventually be self-published because that is how I roll.

I just submitted a trio of story seeds for a fun project that you may want to check out.

You can also download a copy of my brand spankin' new list of publications seeking submissions during the first quarter of 2022. 

You don't need to have an Odysee account to download the list. It's free to anyone who wants a copy. However, I do suggest getting an Odysee account. It's an open-source marketplace that operates using its own cryptocurrency, the LBC, currently valued at $0.05. It's a great way to back up YouTube content if you create such or as an alternative to selling on Amazon. I usually make PDF copies of my stories and poetry collections available for purchase on Odysee as well as Amazon.

Most of the entries on my list are compiled from 

You will want to check Literarium out as well because I only listed publications where I felt my work might be a good fit.

If you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Yule, or Xmahanukwanzyule, I wish you happy holidays. If you don't celebrate the holidays, I wish you happy un-holidays.

~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~

Nah, I'm not drunk. With the crummy medications I have to take for my various ailments, those days are well behind me. I'm living vicariously through my avatar.

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