I have tried to write this book many times.
This time I am writing it with guidance from the book Self-Help Sucks by Tony Blankenship.
This is a short, easy-to-read book based on the Twelve Step method.
I’ve always been critical of the Twelve-Step method, but I liked Tony’s approach, so I thought I’d give it a try.
I’m fortunate to have been able to avoid physical addictions such as alcohol, drugs, or nicotine.
I am using the book to help me focus on healing my need for approval.
I do not think that anything will work out for me if I am doing it to gain approval from others rather than doing it because I love it and believe in it.
My approval-seeking behavior leaves me depressed and unsatisfied. It is a futile search for something that I wasn’t given as a child. I keep looking for validation from people who clearly have no interest in me or my creations. This is a waste of time and can only end in heartache.
Nonetheless, I am addicted to validation given by others. When someone compliments me on one of my creations, I feel buoyant. When others criticize my work, I crumble.
I need to either stop sharing my work altogether or stop depending on the approval of others.
This is necessary for my overall well-being.
I am 56 years old, and time is not on my side.
I need to do what feels right regardless of whether others approve.
I need to free myself from the trap of seeking validation from others at long last.
Fair warning that if you have a problem with profanity, this is not the book for you.
21 August 2021
Spirit of the Universe, please set aside everything I think I know about myself, about my story, about my need for validation, and especially about you, Universe, so that I may have an open mind and a new experience with myself, with my story, with my need for validation, and with you, Universe. Please help me to see the truth. Amen.
Today’s meditation: Introduction to Zazen Meditation with Jason Cain
I have thirsted for validation from others for literal decades.
Please tell me that I’m okay, that you like me, that my writing is good.
Please tell me that you want to be my friend.
Please tell me that I’m worth something.
Please tell me that I’m not just all wrong and fucked up and somehow deserve to be kicked every time I’m down.
Please tell me that I’m good just the way I am.
Please tell me that you like me.
Please like me.
Please don’t hate me.
Please validate me.
I’ve promised myself many times that I would stop doing this. I don’t need validation from others. I am enough. It’s enough that I appreciate the things that I create. Fuck everyone else and their stupid, useless opinions. Fuck those haters.
Somehow, I still end up craving validation.
Things are far from harmonious, especially in my head.
When I go into a tailspin because I haven’t gotten the validation that I need, everything suffers. My mood, my writing, even everyday tasks like cooking and doing the dishes.
I admit that I am powerless over my desire for validation and my life is unmanageable.
Dear divine spirit of the Universe, please help me to surrender my need for validation to you.
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