The Insecure Writers Support Group question for the first installment of 2022 is what is your biggest writing regret?
My biggest writing regret will always involve the ill-advised book that I published back in 2007. Not only did I spend thousands of dollars on a POD publisher but I had it in my head that this story would help people somehow. I revealed much too much about myself, forgetting the following truth.
Some truths should be fictionalized because most people aren't going to believe them. I made myself too vulnerable. I opened myself to attacks and ridicule through what I revealed in this book. I was also so desperately in need of someone to understand me that I let everyone in rather than communicating with my "fans" in a coolly polite fashion until I could be sure of their real motives.
I know I'm being cagey, but I don't want to open up Pandora's box again. This experience took a lot out of me. I almost gave up writing for good.
I've learned a lot about myself during this past year. I may never "succeed" at the coveted "love yourself" thing, as I have no idea in the world how that would look or feel, but I sure as hell have learned to respect myself. Even I am not allowed to say the mean shit I used to say to myself anymore.
I may initially come off as snarky, standoffish, and even uncaring, but I need to protect myself. I am worth protecting and so is my writing. If people can't understand that, they are welcome to think that I'm just an asshole.
Sometimes it's better to be an asshole than to be too solicitous. There are too many people out there willing to take advantage of someone who is desperate for validation.
~Ornery Owl Has Spoken~
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